When the going gets tough, the tough get forgiving (Pt 3)

“‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”

Ephesians 4:26-27

This is the final instalment on the above passage. In Part 1 we looked at what anger is, and Part 2 was about the importance of not dwelling on anger. Today we’ll take a look at how to face the personal challenge of resolving anger.

“[A]nd do not give the devil a foothold.”

Wait! Maybe you’re not a Christian, and you don’t think the Devil is real. Just bear with me, please. This post still contains some practical tips that can be applied to your relationship regardless of your walk and talk.

If God is love (1 John 4:8), and the Devil opposes everything of God (Matt 16:23), then he’s gonna be cheesed off when we strive to follow Jesus’ command to love (John 13:34-35).

Not much makes the Devil happier than when we’re at each others throats, tearing one another down. Why? Because when we’re hating others, we’re moving away from God. Away from Jesus’ example of love.

Who are you going to fight?

I would like to offer a challenge to you. It is a simple concept, but one that could radically change your fights with your SO.

When a fight is brewing, ask yourself: am I fighting to beat my SO, or am I fighting to win my SO? Am I fighting for myself, or am I fighting for our relationship?

“That’s crazy, my SO would never do that for me, why should I do it for them?” some might say.

Simply put, loving is not about what people do for you, it’s about what you do for others.

If you enter into a fight seeking to understand and love the other person, it helps you look past their hurtful comments and examine the emotions behind what they’re saying.

If you strive not to react to their words, but instead empathise with what they’re feeling, it makes it easier to not lash out. After all, when you connect with your SO emotionally and realise how hurt they are, it is hard to willingly add to that pain.

Pride: ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat!

“I’m a proud man pursuing humility by the grace of God. I don’t write as an authority on humility. I write as a fellow pilgrim walking with you on the path set before us by our humble saviour.”

Humility, C. J. Mahaney

We are all proud. In some, the pride is well hidden; it’s still there, just lurking in the shadows. Showing its head in subtle, yet spiteful ways.

Pride is an ugly monster that likes to squirm between two people and tear them apart. If you allow it to thrive in your life, you are settling for second best.

So what are you going to do? Is your pride worth more than your relationship? Will you allow it to become the weapon that destroys your SO and kills your relationship?

You say you love your SO, but the question remains: do you love them more than you love yourself? If you do love them more than yourself, show them grace when they’re being stubborn. Show them mercy when they’re wrong. Show them love, even when… No, especially when they fail to show you love.

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